Being Maria
by CheshireGirl0913
Summary: A reflection on my time in the musical, The Sound of Music. My thoughts and feelings of what it was like to be Maria Rainer. Rated for drama, teen-angst and overall crazy nonsense.
1. The Very Beginning

Ever since I was twelve, I wanted to be on Broadway. Just seeing those actors being onstage captivated me. I wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to tell a story to an audience. I told myself that someday I would do that.

That someday happened a bit sooner than I expected.

It was my junior year of high school. I was naïve, klutzy and still low on self-confidence. Our choir teacher gave the announcement that this year we would team up with the theatre students to perform a musical: _The Sound of Music_.

I'd be lying if I said that I happy about it…. I was thrilled. I grew up watching this story of a woman who found love in the most unusual place at different angles, all while sharing her passion for music.

I'm not entirely sure what made me want to push myself. Maybe it was my friends, my parents or maybe even a voice in the back of my mind that whispered, "Here's your chance. Take it."

But either way, I took it.

A couple months after this, our teacher announced the cast list, starting with Maria. She said a name…. It wasn't mine.

But then she revealed that the role had been double cast and she said my name. I would be playing Maria Rainer in The Sound of Music.

I'm getting way too ahead and overdramatic of myself though.

Let me tell you what it was like.


	2. Climbing Mountains

Auditions were no walk in the park. From what I remembered, it was a long week… or three days. I don't know, it was so crazy that I almost don't remember it.

Hold on. I said "Almost".

My choices for roles were Maria and Leisl. I thought about trying for Elsa, but I tossed that idea side thinking that she didn't sing (I later found out that she did). I remained open minded nonetheless, thinking that I should not keep my hopes up for a lead.

The first part was Singing. I was feeling both confident and inconfident (by now, spell-check can tell that I'm making up words) about it. I knew I could sing; I had received awards in competitions for it. But I kept asking myself whether or not I had the right voice for Maria. I sang both "Do-Re-Mi" for Leisl and "The Sound of Music" for Maria.

The key we were supposed to sing it in was lower than I expected, but I managed to get through it. I felt pretty good after, even though I felt other girls were more suited vocally.

But that was only part of the audition process.

Next was Acting, which was more interesting than I expected. They didn't let me read for Leisl, which I was actually okay with. But they did have me read for two roles: Maria… and Mother Abbess. The latter caught me by surprise. I had not signed up for that role, but the creative team (which consisted of the choir teacher, the theatre teacher, the student choir teacher and our choreographer) felt it was a possible option for me.

Lemme start with the Mother, 'cuz it's less embarrassing: It was the scene where The Mother was telling Maria that she was going to the Captain's place to be their governess. I think that one turned out alright. I actually did that scene with a girl who wanted Maria as well, so it gave me a chance to see what would be in store for me if I got this role.

I'll be honest, a voice in the back of my mind told me to throw the scene, but I knew so much better than to do that. If I did, I'm sure that they wouldn't even consider me for Maria. So I played the character as if she was an actual mother, since I felt she was a motherly figure to Maria.

Now to Maria…. Oh God. It wasn't bad, but my acting was a bit… dramatic. I know, that's the whole point, but if there's one thing people have told me over the years in acting it was this: Do NOT overact.

How could someone overact, you may ask? Have you seen cartoons where people act like their dying? Some of them are waddling back in forth like their gonna pass out and say comments like, "Yeah, I stole the Klopman Diamond"? THAT is overacting… to an extent.

The first seen I did was the scene where Maria met the vonTrapp kids for the first time. Since Gretl didn't have any lines...we had an invisible Gretl. We had six out of the seven kids. When I noted Gretl was there, I literally bent down to "meet my eyes with her". Let's just say it was awkward having to get back up again to talk with the others.

The other scene I did was the one I did as the Mother Abbess, but now it was a role reversal. The same girl who played Maria was now the Mother and I was Maria. The only thing I felt went wrong with that audition was that I reacted very loudly to the news that "I" was leaving the Abbey. I used my hands a lot, I think I was pacing. Overall, I thought it was bad.

Then the last bit…dancing. *Insert mini groan here*

It's not that I hated dancing. I grew up dancing before I sang or acted. I just didn't think I looked good doing it.

We were taught about a minute of choreography, set to (what else?) "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon5 (which I am now partially addicted to) and we were split into groups to perform it for the entire group. This was the biggest challenge for me. Being extremely self-conscious, I feared that people would judge me, that they would think I looked like a spaz.

But this time, I just knew I had to let go of that thought. I didn't need to think about them. I just had to dance. I knew that the only way I would impress the creative team was to let go of all of that, even if it was just for this moment.

I did it and made it out unscathed. No one said a word to me and I think they liked it.

But that was only one of the challenges I had to face. The next? …Callbacks.


	3. You're Making Us Dance Together?

Callbacks aren't always a walk in the park. Mine…well, it depends on how you look at it.

When I saw my name on the list, I think my main thought was: "Okay, this is your chance kid. Take it." I had callbacks for dancing… a lot of us did.

So we all went into the little black box theatre (which was not where we were having the play, thank goodness!) and waited for instructions. We were given a quick tutorial on how to salsa by our choreographer. I was thinking, _Huh? This is the 1930s! Did the salsa even _exist_ yet_?

But the dance proved to be very fun. And then the awkward moment emerged.

We had to dance with a partner. So what do I do? I ran to the side of my friend and…*cough*previouscrush*cough* and asked him to dance with me.

Can you say awkward?

So the choreographer started the music and…. Let's call him Georg ('cuz it eventually turns out the way it did anyway). Georg and I started dancing, with the creative team watching from the catwalk.

Even more awkward, right?

The movement was fluid, but also a little stoic. I guess it was because we were a little uncomfortable dancing together. He never thought of us being together… and to be honest I did, but I never made that intention clear. We were kinda forced to make eye contact, because we were told it helps us in our dancing. Now I kinda wonder if they made us do that just so they can see whether or not there were good couples in the room.

I'm just kidding, of course. But you can't help but think about these things, right?

But I guess I felt so distracted that he actually had to count out the steps to help me. I felt so embarrased! Me, the one with dancing experience, was being schooled by the one that didn't have any at all. It was helpful though, I can't deny that. It made the situation less awkward for the both of us I guess.

We had to shift partners sometimes and I got to dance with guys that I never thought would be good dancers. Some were a bit more… ahem, friendly than others. When I say that, I mean that they _really_ got into it to the point where I was struggling to match their speed.

I had mixed emotions when it ended. Was I tired? Kinda, but I wanted to just keep dancing. Would I want to dance with Georg again? At the time, yes. As of now? If we absolutely had to, we'd probably just bust some random moves, no pairing or formality intended.

Some time passed and soon enough it was after finals and the day before the beginning of winter break. So my choir teacher announced the cast list to everyone.

Me and… Well, let's just call her Maria, got the lead role of, well, Maria. I admit, when I found out that I got it… I didn't get that jitter-jump of excitement that I was expecting. I guess I was just surprised, 'cuz I remember smiling. The real excitement didn't come, I think, until I told my best friend. But that's another story….

And Georg got the role of Captain von Trapp, the father of the seven kids I eventually had to babysit. Yeah, I know that sounds bad, but If you think about it, it's kinda true. He ended up sharing this role with…. Meh, let's call him the Captain, 'cuz it makes sense.

And according to the teacher, Georg and I were going to be working together. Yeah…. There's not much to say to that, in my opinion. I guess the creative team saw some chemistry between us that we didn't.

All I can say now is what I was thinking after…. _Let Broadway Bootcamp begin_.


	4. We Really Need to Practice

The moment winter break had ended, I knew I was in for the ride of my life.

Well, to an extent.

The memory of it is kinda fuzzy to me, but I know the first thing we ended up doing was learn choreography. And, boy, was that a trip!

Like at the callbacks, we worked a lot on the waltz. Although Maria, the Captain, Georg and myself weren't going to be in that scene, we were required to learn it anyway.

And I don't think I've enjoyed a dance lesson more. It was very complex choreography, but I loved every step I took. I guess it just kind of felt like I was experiencing those fantasies that every girl had when they were younger when they danced with a "prince". In my case, it was a naval captain in sneakers.

I have to admit that it was pretty hard to catch up. I don't know whether it was me, Georg or both of us, but the dance got pretty difficult after a while. Let's just say the moment it was over, I was relieved to get out of my now-worn-out character shoes.

Also, show blocking began. Maria and I were working on where we would stand and learning our lines. It was pretty cramped in the black box theatre those days. And, of course, the first scene we blocked was "The Sound of Music".

And I loved how they set up the scene. The idea was that Maria had slipped out of the Abbey to enjoy one day in hills, while the nuns gave no notice until the very end of their hymnal, to which they leave the stage to find her. Maria is addressed as being very mischievous in this scene for us and I loved that.

I always saw Maria as a carefree spirit, even in the movie. I saw her as someone who just loved music passionately, so much that she just couldn't contain it. And even the Mother Abbess knew that she had to share her passion. Not only that, but as the Mother stated in the show, she had a great capacity to love. She could have enemies, yes, but she could see their pain deep down.

Now, back to the subject at hand: blocking rehearsal. When we began singing, I tried imagining those hills, kinda like the ones in the movie. It wasn't hard 'cuz the theatre kids were still working on the background for the show, and those hills were still sitting out to dry. So I just looked at those hills, bushes, and blurry-looking flowers and tried to see what Maria might've seen.

I won't say I saw something, but I knew I understood the joy she felt not just for those hills, but music itself.

I sang my heart out, but I knew it wouldn't be perfect. I still had a long way to go.


	5. Step, Hop, Step, What?

The Laendler is probably one of the simplest, but the most difficult dance I had to learn to date. I was actually a bit behind because I thought everyone had already learned it and I had just come back from a day of a County Honor Choir rehearsal and performance, along with some of the other actors. It bothered me a bit because since we started learning the dances, I just wanted to get straight to the Laendler. Little did I know how much I had to _learn_.

The whole "family" was involved in this scene. Georg was dancing with Brigitta, the younger ones dancing with older siblings and Kurt trying to convince me to dance with him. Just like in the movie, we made the first few steps of the dance as uncomfortable as possible. I find it funny that in some ways we played it off because of height, even though he was only half a head shorter than me (minus the character shoes, he was about my height).

Although I think the screw-ups were mostly on my end because by the time Georg came in to dance with me, I practically tripped over my own two feet doing it. And just like in the waltz he had to count it out for me so I wouldn't get lost…. At the time, it was kinda embarrassing. Still I really appreciated the help.

I'm sure some of you are wondering how I felt about dancing the Laendler with him. At the time, I'm sure if I didn't keep some focus, I probably would've forgotten the dance, too.

In fact, I made him go over it with me over and over again until it was flawless. What can I say? I have a perfectionism gene.


End file.
